1. He wore those thorns for me, upon His holy head--
A crown of majesty He could have worn instead!
The cruel bruising reed had crushed it through His skin--
My evil-plaited deeds His diadem of sin
My sins flowed down His brow in rivulets of red;
Each piercing point of pain produced a dying stream,
Until my Savior, slain, had died, in Love supreme.
3. Then break, O heart Divine, to set the Sufferer free,
And break, O heart of mine, in kindred agony;
If on our blood-stained world true Love was ever worn
It was the day our Lord was crowned with cruel thorn.
4. Awake, my astonished heart! Look earnestly within,
To scorn the evil art of every lesser sin!
A faithful heart I bring— exalt Your sovereignty;
I love You, O my King!— You wore those thorns for me.
Copyright 1998 by Stanley K. Brubaker / Brooksong LLC
HymnCraft 101 (Critiques and Writing Tips)
ALLITERATION: holy head... deeds diadem... piercing point pain produced...
savior slain... set sufferer... [what do you think--is it too much?]
PARALLELISM: O heart Divine... O heart of mine...
CONTRAST: crown of majesty vs. crown of thorns... Him dying, instead of me dying...
GRAPHIC PICTURES: my evil deeds plaiting a thorn-crown for Him... my sins flowing down his brow... “our blood-stained world”...
STRONG WRITING: “Awake, my astonished heart!
STRONG WORDS: cruel, bruising, crushing, piercing, astonished, earnestly, scorn, exalt...
MY FAVORITE PASSAGE: first two lines of verse 3.
WEAKNESSES: same end rhyme for first two lines of verses 1 & 2... (partially redeemed by internal rhyme?)
too many exclamation points?
1. I should hate even the “smallest” sins...
2. I should have a lifetime WOW of appreciation...
If you have questions, or suggestive criticisms, or would like a Sibelius file or PDF file of the music, shoot me an email. I would love to hear from you. --Stan B.